I found this on postsecret.com this week and it reminded me how little respect I have for sperm donors. If someone can so mindlessly just donate their sperm without caring about all the children they could father without even knowing they must really be fucken retards. It also reminded me when my boyfriend told me he would do it and I felt like dumping him. Why didn't I?

1. What was the most recent tea you drank?

Israeli tea..I forgot the type though, but it was good.

2. What vegan forums do you post/lurk on? If so, what is your username? Spill!

veganforum.com is the main one I use.. I do not want to say my username lol there are some mighty embarrassing posts there man.

3. You have to have tofu for dinner, and it has be an Italian dish. What comes to mind first?
Crap, I really dislike tofu but if I REALLY had to eat it I guess it would be..but I REALLY hate tofu and my favorite Italian dishes are pasta.. (Like angel hair with mushrooms)

4. How many vegan blogs do you read on an average day?

Like every day every day? Like 5 that I'm seriously addicted to.

5. Besides your own, what is the most recent one you’ve read?

I just read the dark faerie one, she's super cool and did the painting of Giora and me. Too bad I hate him right now.

6. If you could hang out with a vegan blogger that you haven’t met, who would it be, and what would you do?

Well Piraro is too unfeminist for me...I think that Dark Faerie would be the one, she's super cool! Also this one mom from Alaska and this teenage vegan that sounds much older than she is.

7. If you had to base your dinners for a week around one of the holy trilogy – tofu, seitan or tempeh, which would it be?

Shiva I freakin hate tofu. I guess seitan, tastes much better at least. Tempeh is just not for me, I've tried it once in Native Foods and it was not something I would try again.

8. If you had to use one in a fight, which would it be?

HAHAHAHAHA tofu, and raw, so the person dies.

9. Name 3 meals you’d realistically make with that tough protein of choice!

ah.. I don't even MAKE meals lol so I don't have one much less three.

10. What’s a recipe in vegan blogland that you’ve been eyeing?

I just saw the best looking cinnamon rolls at the dark faerie's website and I hope to make them someday...when I don't feel like it will be a waste of time and money due to my apprenticeness in baking.

11. Do you own any clothing with vegan messages/brands on them?
Man, sometimes I feel like I have to pick out something special without a msg to wear cuz I feel people are starting to look at me like I'm obsessed lol. Almost all my shirts are vegan/feminist.

12. Have you made your pilgrimage to the 'vegan mecca' yet? (Portland, duh)
Ooh my goodness I cannot wait to go, I'm only 17 so I don't really have control over where I travel just yet but SOON ENOUGH I will bond with my vegan homies in Portland.

13. What age did you first go vegan? Did it stick?

On my 15th birthday. So so far it's going to be 3 years in like three months dude. Holy shit I'm going to be 18 in like four months AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO EXCITED! Of course excited of being vegan for that long too ;)

14. What is the worst vegan meal you’ve had? Who cooked it?

Man, every meal I make is the worst vegan meal I've had lol. Actually, probably my mom..she is the worst cook ever, after me.

15. What made you decide to blog?

I'm an attention whore. joke..I don't really care how many views I get lol. I decided to blog so I could get out my thoughts on everything somewhere since everyone I know is in their little fantasy bubble and doesn't want anything to do with world troubles...or mine.

16. What are three of your favorite meals to make?
Minestrone, Chana Massala, and angel hair with mushrooms and pomodoro :)

17. What dish would you bring to a vegan Thanksgiving-themed potluck?
Chana Massala for sure!

18. Where is your favorite vegan meal at a restaurant? How many times have you ordered it?
Any Indian curry, and idk, I've seriously lost count.

16. What do you think the best chain to dine as a vegan is?
Ugh...Scream pubs around these parts are okay, but it depends from pub to pub.

17. My kitchen needs a………

I don't have a kitchen lol I'm 17 and not hoping for a kitchen until after I'm done with studies..which won't be in an very long time.

18. This vegetable is not allowed in my kitchen…..!

Oh man I hate hate hate flor de isote. It's a Guatemalan vegetable and I was forced to eat it oh so often when I was little. I think that's 1/3 of the reason I hate my family so much as well. It's horribly bitter and probably even kills brain cells :P

19. What's for dinner tonight?

I already had dinner but I had mushrooms with tortilla :) I LOVE MUSHROOMS!

I dislike this 'life' thing, it's getting old.

I ate Indian food yesterday and my stomach was not hurting but just pukey and upset the whole time afterwards and still now. I feel like I'm hungry but if I eat I will throw up in a second. Great, all that awesome chana massala for nothing, sigh.

School was the same as always, new lectures, new jobs to do, nothing super exciting. We're nerds what do you expect?

I did take my blanket to school today though, I felt like I needed something to put my head on when I fell asleep. Worked wonderfully. (joking..I can't fall asleep in class, it needs to be totally quiet. I took it to be warm)

Yesterday I watched a movie that took place in Greece. I am falling in love with Greek movies slowly and no one can stop me. I've slowly been falling in love with Greece for a long time now, the Greek festival just confirmed it.

I knew that Greece was going to be the first place I would travel to for a long time and I still want it to be. I can't wait. It's just so..me.

Anyway everyone that has been to Greece or knows someone that was in Greece for a while tells me I'm going to love it. I always thought too that I would live there since I dislike this country so badly..the only problem is that they're not very vegan friendly.

That said I'm going to start saving up right after I start college with a new job *which I want it to be at some bookstore..preferrably Barnes & Nobles* and will get enough money to go..I seriously cannot wait.

I think I'm going to leave my 18-30 range just for travelling, we'll see what happens after that. (and education of course but that's a given)

Other than that, my mom has been freaking me out with baby proposals for the past few months, lately it's gotten worse. I'm 17 years old and I don't want to have children, EVER. Sure, I know like 95% of girls my age say that but I seriously have been saying it for years! Sure I had some lapses where I thought oh okay this would be better but when I think of the time of me babysitting for a few hours and extending that to A LIFETIME it really freaks me out. The reason my mom is being so pushy about babies is because she was a late mother...she had me at 37 so right now she's about 55 and she's freaked out she won't get any grandchildren, ever, if not late, so she's trying to convince me now. I seriously think that if I got pregnant right now she'd actually be happy. To hell with that though, she'll want to baptize the kid and I'm very adamant to that idea.

Anyway, I thought if I really want children I'll have them/adopt for sure, after I'm 30 and settled with a job after my crazy twenties of partying traveling and doing what I want, but what if somehow I had a kid BEFORE I was 30..i mean as in 22 or something. That would ruin ALL my plans. I don't think people with kids can really travel around freely and do everything they want like they would without them, so thinking about making my mom happy for once in her life is NOT a pleasing idea.

Either way, if I had a kid when I was 22...that's in five years..she'll be 60, she'll have like a good 30 years in her right?! so she can bare with me adopting/having a kid at 30...sure, that'll cut 10 years with her grandkid but to hell with that, what about MY life?! She and my dad can foster some children when I leave to college.

Either way again, I'm NOT going to live near her by any means at all, or near to any of my family because I despise them horribly, so having a kid just to make her a grandma would seriously just be like a shot in the ass. I would be stuck with a kid forever and she would only get to see it maybe once a year.

Okay, I've reached a decision, I'm not having kids cuz my mom wants them, any sooner than what I planned, she can somehow get my sister pregnant when she's older but not me. Just thinking of giving birth creeps me out so I doubt I'm having bio kids at all but for sure adopting some day far far away from now. Like far.


toodles!

sigh, I want some vegan cheesecake from Native Foods or some bread from the vegan/kosher bakery in Costa Mesa.

to donate my body to science. Sweet right? very sweet. My family (btw when I say family I'm talking about parents, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, second, third and fourth cousins etc, in all like a million people. That's what I always mean by family) will freak to hell and probably die before letting it happen BUT IT IS GOING TO BE MY FINAL WISH! ha! I'm not Catholic so I shouldn't be included in their crazy sect ideas.

Anyway, I just saw the coolest thing which is a PETA coffin, too bad I won't be buried har har.

I had two exams today and I did SUPER duper. I am highly pleased with my work. I have tests every other day so it's nothing new lol. Tomorrow is Friday again so phew, time is going by fast.

I'm quite emotionally and mentally unstable and it's quite frustrating. One moment I'm the happiest person ever and another I feel like dying. It's stupid because one word can make me crash into a pile of crap. I'm going to wait until college to see if my situation betters before taking medical action though. I've been like this for years though so I'm seriously about to give up on being medicine free.

Yaz is really good about PMDD though, I don't feel like killing myself during my period anymore lol.

Today I recycled during sixth and afterschool with a bunch of members and I was super happy that we got a lot done. I'm really glad that not too many teachers are complaining about their paper piling but c'mon!! we've had so many holidays goddamit.

I'm feeling a bit better towards Giora now. Giora is my boyfriend for those who don't know. I don't know how it's going to turn out but I'm a big grudge holder and I already gave up hope in that I could ever forgive or forget, I can't do either and it only ruins me. That's why I believe that I would be so much more 'emotionally' stable if I wasn't involved romantically with anyone but it seems quite impossible. Like I said I'm going to wait until September to see if things get better once I'm out of my parent's home and find new friends.

Other than that! Dawn's birthday is going to be on December 9th, which is when I will test for my permit and also have the Christmas concert! This is my LAST Christmas concert so I'm excited. Every time I play my instrument I forget about all my minute problems (when they're compared to much worse ones that people all over the world are going through) and it makes me feel like I never want concert band to stop...sigh.

I ran out of sticky notes for annotating so I have to go buy more. Along that I'll buy those delicious dried mangos from the Philippines in Costco.

<3

I'm feeling better overall. I watched Meduzot, Garden State and Keep the River to Your Right.

Today I did community service with Environmental Club and it was fun except for the actual physical work..lol. I'm a softie and not only that but I do not tolerate the sun and faint easily so I had to work a little bit and then rest and then a little bet and drink water..it was kinda annoying but whatever, that's who I am.

Crystal, Ryan and I went to the Huntington Beach Library and it was amazing. I had never been to it but I'm planning to go soon and just be there the whole day..forget about EVERYTHING! they have everything there so I could totally survive for a few days (LOL)

I'm reading the Dead Father's Club right now, it's extra credit for AP English and well I don't like fiction so it's seriously just for extra credit. My grade went down to an 85% so I need it to get an A..it's an A weighted already but I'd rather have it the other way.

Ronit Elkabetz is such a great actress. I can't wait to see Seven Days and The Band..they sound great.

I'm going to babysit tomorrow so that's more money towards prom and stuff...I hope not to spend more than 300 dollars on Prom but I know I'll have to. I mean here's a list of things I have to do:

Dress
Hair
Tux for Giora
Two tickets for Prom (DUH)
Dinner
Pictures

I don't want Giora to pay anything because he already payed for SO MUCH...In total just to come and see me from Israel he's payed 3,000 already..not including all the expenses that I made :P

I went on to the next round for the Korea exchange student trip. Out of 51 people I was one of the 25 picked for the interview. If I do get it I'll have to spend $600 to go...I'd be happy if I didn't get it and I'd be happy if I did get it..sigh.

Why does my life have to be in such an important spot in the middle of an economic crisis? sadness I swear. Hey at least I have a job...that I haven't even worked in yet lol Jesus...

Okay, I'm gonna go read now. I've been talking to Giora a lot so I guess that's been good. I still have a lot to talk to him about either way. He's doing well in the IDF, he's training to be a medic and he's very happy that he got the spot, everyone that loves him is happy for him :)

toodles.

I am so lost. It's not even funny anymore.

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to get it...then I discovered while facing the monster that I have no fucken clue.

Goddamit I feel like I'm in a teen-age crisis. I got accepted into Humboldt and for sure Sonoma but I don't know if I want to go to them. I didn't get into Wellesley which was obviously expected but I still have to apply to Smith and Mount Holyoke but I know I'm never going to get in. Plus I want to go to a school at least NEAR a big city, I would hate to be in the middle of nowhere like Humboldt.

It's hard to finally accept that you're not good enough and know that you're not exaggerating. It's so pathetic.

I just want someone or something to help me out. I have no clue what to do. I know what I want to major in but I KNOW that I won't be in college forever and once I need a job it's going to be a hassle to try to find one with these majors. I've talked to everyone already...even my counselor! she has no clue what to tell me. I feel like this is not temporary and that's why I'm freaking out. I've always hated life and the fact that I was born so I've never cared enough about anything and I still don't...I see myself like Polly from Along Came Polly in ten years and guess what? I don't see anything wrong with it.

Another reason to hate my parents. Now I'm stuck with my own life when I didn't even ask for it.

I don't know what to do..I don't know what I want anymore because I know what's good for me and what I want isn't.

sigh...


I'll be debating with myself about my future for the next few weeks.
Que quiero goddamn!?

I passed my test! I got 43/46 and I can drive now!!!! I'm so happy. By the time Giora will be here I will have my license :)

I have a huge stomachache cuz I've been eating so many cookies/bread that I made for the holidays.


Happy eight days of light for everyone that celebrates it. I will soon with my boyfriend :)



I'm about to be on my period so I feel like I want to die again lol, I'm used to it so I don't take it so seriously anymore.

My dad bought Guatemalan Tamals from a nearby Guate store and my mom made ponche...so I've been eating it all I can.

I went to Maneja's house yesterday and I didn't even feel like it was Christmas, except that everything was closed when we tried to go get cash for a kabob roll and went through a series of difficulties to get it. Damn, Asian stores smell like SHIT! lol...no kidding there.

I always see the WEIRDEST things when I'm with her. While in line, needlessy since later we found that they only took cash and we were there to GET cash, we saw this man..


It was pretty freakin funny. Maneja and I almost pissed our pants laughing...ahh..he probably was about to assault the cashier but we weren't there for the experience.. lol (we left when we found out they took only cash)

There's another hilarious picture of a weird thing we saw together in the freeway, I will post later when her dad returns her camera.

Alright..I'm gonna go now.. Giora comes home TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gah, I miss him so much :'( I just want to run away to Israel now instead of in six months lol.

I have more money for the "Going to Israel" fund..I really hope I get at least 2,000 by summer.

toodles!

P.S. Do crazy things, then later you can regret them :P I've lived my life by this and ..I never really regretted them haha, I regret not doing more.