Ashamed of how you were born?

First of all I have to say that this is an angry post...or at least a bit angry if you're actually in anger management and are used to seeing worse. (it gets angry around the end btw, not at the beginning)

Okay so I have been more busy that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT! but I love it, I am the type of person that is constantly doing something and if I have nothing to do I may just resort to suicide..I am NEVER bored..I do not utter those horrible three words even if I actually got to them which I haven't since I entered high school so...

Today I woke up around 10am. I ate a banana and had to drink FOUR glasses of water an hour before my ultrasound(I'M NOT PREGNANT PEOPLE, IT'S FOR SOME MENSTRUATION CRAP!). So my freakin grandmother mom that drives like at 50 in the freeway, (I am not exaggerating) got us lost and I was late for the appointment. SoOoOo those thirty minutes in the waiting room were LOOOOOOONG because I had to pee REALLY bad and I couldn't because they need the bladder to be filled with water...

So after the ultrasound I went straight to the bathroom and peed like a horse. I was pretty hungry by then so we drived to the mall and picked up my new locket, then to this viet restaurant to get some fried rice for my sister since I ate hers yesterday and I got some weird looking food that I like from there to go.

Then I went to the restaurant to fill the questionnaire and I PASSED! so I'm going for an interview tomorrow and I really don't know if I want it or not but if I get it of course I'll take it cuz I REALLY need the money.

Anyway, today I was watching a documentary about some boys around my age in the mara (Central American way to call a gang) 18, the rivals to MS 13 (Mara Salvatrucha for those who don't know) and it was really ...really..sad to see how (I hate to use this term because it really bugs me but)* 'my people' are going down down DOWN! I mean El Salvador is seriously dead now it has so many gangs, Guatemala is not SO bad but it's still pretty bad. It makes me so angry that yeah sure, don't 'kill' the stupid fetus but raise it to have a horrible life, join a mara and then end up in jail for the rest of its life. STUPID ANTI-ABORTION PEOPLE NEED TO DIE!

*I hate those words so bad but when it comes down to it I'm just another Guatemalan girl, another Central American teenager. No matter how much I try to be different from them I am still viewed as just a stupid Hispanic by everyone else, hell they even think I'm Mexican (I break necks if this happens).

What's worse is the position I'm in. I don't fit in here and I don't fit in there. If I went back to Guatemala right now, to live there, I'd probably get shot on purpose because I'm such an idiot to their eyes. What kind of freak doesn't eat even fish? I mean seriously, Jesus ate fish (-_-) and just that in general. Here I guess I do fit in somewhat but sometimes it really makes me mad when even my closest friends undermine the fact that I'm still Hispanic as 'unlatina' as I act and believe they can talk like we are stupid just because the majority doesn't try hard in school. It hurts really bad, I've had good cries over it it happens so often. I live in a place where there's a lot of Asian people, specially Vietnamese. It makes me really upset when they get mad when someone calls them Korean, but they feel so ready to call all Hispanics Mexicans. (my best friends always have been Viet btw..as ironic as that sounds)

 Anyway, I'm really tired of it, and sometimes I wish I could just find a Guatemalan person to be with and actually get along. Be able to eat black beans and tortillas with them without them saying something bad about it, like it looks like poop, or just be able to talk in Spanish without having to tell me that I speak weird or asking me what every other word means.

Don't they realize it's embarrassing to me? can't they tell I also wonder what's happening with the Central American youth? (I'm excluding Mexicans, Carribeans and South Americans because I'm just concentrating in people from Guatemala to Panama).

For those who don't know what "CENTRAL AMERICA" is, here's a map, so you don't confuse it with Mexico or Puerto Rico somehow *rolls eyes*:


The Central American countries are

Guatemala (this is where my whole entire family is from)
Belize
El Salvador
Honduras
Nicaragua
Costa Rica
Panama

Though Belize doesn't speak Spanish but English. Guatemalans still call Belize part of Guatemala since it was stolen by the British government, or at least this is what everyone has told me.

Anyway back to the Central Americans ruining the world part.

I wish to move to a perfect utopia, where everybody knows at least in what continent each country is, the fact that IT IS A COUNTRY and a few other facts...if only I could have this my #1 pet peeve would be gone.

My other pet peeve? well my other pet peeve is when people call women CHICKS. Yes...it is...I feel getting hot and red when this happens but it used to be worse. I try to get as far away from those people as possible.

There's many more but it's too late to think of them.

This is a rant post btw if you haven't noticed.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hate humanity.



DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN IS THAT STUPID METEOR THAT'S GOING TO KNOCK US OUT OF ORBIT COMING?! STUPID GOD THAT DOESN'T EXIST, LETS BLAME IT!