Guatemala

Some stuff that I found about it. I just put it becuase I remembered how being a little girl in Guatemala I felt like OMG Guatemala is like oh so famous and super important! in fact EVERYBODY is Guatemalan! ...then I came to the United States and to my surprise these idiots think it's in South America. lol..I was born in Orange County, CA. So I'm 'American' which in reality I'm 'from the U.S.' I would be American even if I was born in the middle of the Atacama.

I guess my reason for putting this crap up is because even though I believe being nationalistic and all filled with pride from where you're from is stupid, I'm still Guatemalan and well, to everybody else, no matter how much a citizen of this world I want to be, I still have my Guatemalan passport...


I remember I used to have these little balls all over my room when I was younger...hell I never even knew what they were for but I still had them lol....


Some Guatemalan Coins...Giora has the gold one xD

These are probably better off in the trash can though, they're practically completely worthless...Crazy how the U.S. $ and the Guatemalan Quetzal where equal until 1987...what happened? Well now all I know is that my fellow Chapines are eating dirt...just like the rest of the third world. Except for that 2% that owns all the land of course.

(Goddamit I tripped on something and now my ankle is getting really swollen and hurting horribly)

I was here with my family.. A 16 HOUR DRIVE WITH YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY IS THE WORST PUNISHMENT YOU COULD EVER GET FOR YOUR SINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GODDAM YOU JESUS CHRIST!

Now! time for the Guatemalan dishes! most of them are meaty but also a lot are vegan because most ppl are poor and cannot afford animal flesh. Apart from this, that's why the poorest are always the strongest and healthiest. AND keep in mind these are NATIVE AMERICAN dishes, all of the ladino Guatemalan, as in my idiot family, copied them (but we're still part Mayan or else we would be completely Caucasian..which you can tell by the pix I am completely not):

Some rules that you should know about Guatemalan food -

IT WILL NEVER, EVER, EEEVVVEEERRRR BE SPICY! THAT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN AND NO TRUE GUATEMALAN WILL EVER, EVER EVER SPICE THEIR FOOD!

..I think that may just be the one and only most important rule in the book...anyway! here we go


Notice that some person might say, WHAT, ENCHILADAS IS MEXICAN FOOD, well yes ma'am, but for Mexicans Enchiladas are actually quite spicy and look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. In fact here's a picture of the MEXICAN ENCHILADA, so you don't get confused.



ok, now back to the real food, which is Guatemalan food of course ahem, here's some Pepian...

Here we go with some Jocon: ( My mom made the vegan version of it for me but then she said that no matter what you put it in it's like trash without the beef -_-, she's delirious)


Here's the pot of it :)


A series of Guatemalan foods:


AND THIS TUN TUN TUN...IS THE GUATEMALAN BREAKFAST

Rules about the breakfast:

1.Of course it can't be spicy
2.IT WILL HAVE, BY ALL MEANS, BLACK BEANS. IF YOUR BREAKFAST DOES NOT HAVE BLACK (not pinto, white, red or purple) BEANS, YOU ARE NOT, NOOOOT, GUATEMALAN!
3. Also, it will contain fried plantain, a good hearty guatemalan will fry that plantain 'til the day they die of a heart attack.

AND OH MY HOLY FREAKIN CHUCHITO!

THE CHUCHITO! is like, the mother of all trip foods. If you're going on the bus to Guatemala City the girls selling you Quezadilla (which is a type of bread made with rice, NOT A FREAKIN TORTILLA WITH CHEESE, stupid Mexicans ;) ) will always have some hearty chuchitos and tamalitos de chipilin. *Chipilin is like spinach...except...quite wild and we eat it in all ways, oh man that chipilin..I'M GOING BACK TO GUATEMALA RIGHT NOW!)


Atol de platano is a drink made from plantain, we are banana people, we will do that banana any way we please sir.

These are the infamous tamalitos de chipilin I mentioned beforehand:

I'm bribing my mom to make these tomorrow..those damn bastards.

and here comes

LAST BUT NOT LEAST..EVER!

THE GUATEMALAN TAMAL! not tamale people, that's for Mexicans.



This is it, closed and uncooked


The thing in the back of it you see is the banana plant, we use it very wisely and cook the delicious masa in it, then inside we have pork *which my mom puts vegan chicken inside for me* and a delicious kind of little marinade that I have no clue what is made of but it's totally vegan and damn delicious.

Giora liked it :) he tried it for the holidays when my mom made them.


BTW, the unholy jalapeno next to it was a stupid thing some person put there to jeopardize the patrimony of Guatemala's main dish. It will never be eaten by a true Chapin.



Edit: I TOTALLY forgot to put that in the first picture, the map of Guatemala includes Belize, though atm it's its own country, it was part of Guatemala forever and then the damn British came and took it away, so Guatemalan ppl will usually just act as if Belize is part of Guatemala and even add it to the map :P And I think the gov. is still trying to fight over it.