I've found myself.

After such a long time being gone from gaia, I think I can safely say that I will be okay.

So... Let me begin by explaining.

At my high school, we have a yearly student exchange program to Korea from here for a week in April. I knew about it in ninth grade when, walking in to my counselors office she introduced me to a senior going to Korea after passing all of the steps and well, winning this opportunity.

I barely payed attention and fastly wished in my mind that someday I would get to do the same.

Well, last year my best friend, Dawn, tried for it but didn't get it. I didn't because, heh, I thought. What for..

About a month ago, she was applying again, now that we're Seniors. I decided not to apply, it was about $700 that I had to pay from my own pocket and well I want to go to Israel too so that would be more than $3,000 in total! So I put it out of my mind. Four weeks went by..and the DAY before the applications were due.. I had a sudden rash thought..WHAT IF I APPLIED...what if I didn't apply? would I regret it for the rest of my life and say..well Deisy, you could have gone! And later, you don't remember the money! You remember the experiences...

Really. Ask yourself. Do you remember how much money you spent on a certain trip/activity, or fun time? or do you remember the extreme fun time and experience you had? Money is not even in your thoughts when in comes to memories!

Okay. So that same night, I send this rushy email to two of my favorite teachers. One is My ex-math teacher and my Environmental Club's boss, and the other is my current AP English teacher. I ask them that if they're up to the challenge of writing me a recommendation each...then I will apply. It all depended on them. I had to write my own essay and provide a picture.

Crap..I wish I had that picture back :P

Anyway, the person in charge of the whole project is my ex-Biology teacher's wife, which was pretty cool because she's a vegetarian and I also really liked my biology teacher..so I got to turn it in the next morning instead of that day, since I was sick. So, I applied and we had to pass the first round. I received an email saying that I passed. I was like whoopee. Then, we had to go through interviews the next week, so I went and she interviewed me with another person and it was pretty cool, it's one of the nicest interviews I've had, all the other people were assholes.

So a week later they tell us who passed and who didn't and I got to be the alternate, which was fine with me.

That was like two or three weeks ago..

Well, just yesterday, this fellow teacher calls me and tells me that someone has dropped out! and that if I say that I want to go then I get to go..so I was like holy crap man, this is so freakin weird!! I can't believe that want I wanted happened...like everything that I actually really want...

So I'm going to Korea on Spring Break (April 2-11) 2009...

Didn't I mention that this was going to be the best year of my life, so far?

I also have a special Hypnosis class and certification (WHICH IS SO COOL!) and it's actually valued more than $1,200 but I got it for free since it was a special offer from the Living Temple (A vegan store in Huntington Beach that ROCKS!). I can take a person with me for free as well, but I don't know who would like to go. My friends are not exactly open minded.

Another thing, CO-ED! (it's at a classic car club, and the theme is 1920's VINTAGE DREAM) This dance will be in less than a month! I can't believe it! I'm going to have a blast with my BFF Dawn.



Then! MY 18TH BIRTHDAY!! I already decided where I'm going to get my cake. It is at this vegan/kosher bakery in Costa Mesa, and it's called the Sunflour Bakery, here's the link for you to check it out http://www.sunflourbakery.net . I plan to celebrate it with my BFF's, which are Sarah, Maneja and Dawn! I'm planning already what to do, since I know that I can't really afford to spend much (due to pecuniary issues because of my two international trips coming up!) so I'm planning to buy the vegan cake, and have a nice dinner at my house with my parents, sister, and my best friends.




Then! My bunnzly's special 20th birthday! May 1st it is :) But before that we have quite a few birthdays. His mom's, younger sister's and my mom's!



Then!....PROM!! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! I FINALLY GET TO SEE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF! I'm going to faint on May 29th..that's approximately when my Arnavon (bunny in Hebrew lol) a.k.a boyfriend, will be able to come to see me! and I will go pick him up at the LAX airport and jump on him and kiss him to death. Prom is May 30th, with my boyfriend next to me, it will be the best day of my life.




Graduation on June 17...just 17 days later...

wow..finally, I graduate. Time flies doesn't it? NO IT DOES NOT! I wanted to graduate like ten years ago, but I had to wait. Anyway, I will be graduating, and I'm borrowing the Cap and Gown from a friend, Highlong Kay (he's Cambodian, that explains his name..and he's actually short lol), instead of buying it, (it would be a waste of money, I'm never going to use the stupid thing again). :)



GRAD NITE 2009!!!
That same day of graduation, Grad Nite takes place from 10pm to 6 AM!!! It will be taking place at the Grove of Anaheim! It is only meant for people that are in your school and graduating, so my boyfriend won't be able to go, but that's good, he's going to spend the night packing, because the next day we're leaving to...



ISRAEL!! oh my god..the highlight of my life. I will be traveling to Israel on June 18th 2009 for three months to live with my boyfriend and his family. I will meet his wonderful mom, brother, sister, grandmother in Jerusalem, grandparents next door, and his uncle's family in the kibbutz. I cannot wait. I will be spending this time with my dear love. It will certainly be, the best time of my life....





To a wonderful and beautiful future. Because everything that we can see in our minds, is more than possible.



Another wonderful story for you to see...


www.veganessentials.com :)

I wonder why suicide is illegal in this country (U.S.). Why it's so prohibited by every major religion and why it's such a big deal when simply, it's OUR life.

I wonder really, what's so big about it. Sure we all have our own personal fingerprint. Our DNA and how we're made is so 'complex' and 'intriguing' but I really do not see a fair argument against suicide.

If someone really wants to kill herself, then why deny her the right? I have thought for a long time how unfair it is. I mean abortion is legal, we, women, get to choose what we do with our bodies, why can't we as people REALLY have a choice... They have to outlaw every way of getting cyanide lol...

To me life is not exactly that complicated, or valuable for that matter. So many hundreds of thousands of people die every day, not of natural causes by any means, but in horrible ways..and here are crazy groups like those 'pro-lifers' that are obsessed with the unborn that are never going to suffer as much as the natives starving in the hills of Costa Rica with maggots in their noses. Or maybe will since no one knows the conditions they might be born in. Hell maybe they're being born to be sold as sex slaves like they do with toddlers in Thailand.

I really wonder though. Why is it so bad in religion? Why in EVERY religion? But then again we see almost the same pattern in all the major ones with all the major decisions we 'should' make in life.

suicide... should be our ultimate choice. I am no one to decide for someone else.


Changing the subject to another issue, Israel and Gaza.

Jeebuz. I have been bombarded for the past few weeks about ALL these evil things that Israel does and..well. I have to say that I am surrounded equally by Israel haters, and well..Israelis.

My boyfriend and his family are actually in Israel right now. My boyfriend is Israeli and so are his siblings. His family is Jewish and they have lived in Israel all their lives. His grandparents made aliyah like fourty years ago in the 70's, from the U.S. so they're American Jews. His grandpa came from Russia to New York due to anti-semitism and all that bad stuff.

Anyway, my point. Everyone keeps bad mouthing Israel and saying all these horrible things TO ME! I guess, it's because I'm so intimately involved with ACTUAL Israelis, which is something that many people talking bad about Israel are actually not. They don't even know the first thing about the people they seem to hate so much and be so hypocritical about.

I have not taken any real sides because truly, I believe both extremes are quite offensive, hurtful and inconsiderate. I do however get really offended when I hear people saying that they want Israel to get dismantled and die...and when I hear some Israelis calling Arabs fucken filthy terrorists.

When I hear them I feel like just stepping outside of the conversation and just saying ughhh, no... I'm not part of this. I'm part of the group that believes that Israel WILL be there in the future, and also wants a fair place for Pals as well without any physical harm to them. It's stupid how people want one or the other.

 It's too late now. Israel has been around for almost 61 years and has people leading normal lives, like my boyfriend whom I love so much and would NEVER want anything bad to happen to, and Israelis are NOT, LIKE EVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK, evil bloodthirsty killers.

I could go so in depth into what I'm thinking but I don't have time and don't want to get frustrated.

People need to find out both sides before they talk and hurt each other. I've heard so many outrageous things I'm starting to take it as a joke now.

People are HYPOCRITES. Criticizing the other for something and talking about how they're going to do the same. Grrr....

Not only am I tired of the INCESSANT rockets, and the bad mouthing, but I'm tired of hearing all these horrible things against Israelis and NOTHING AGAINST HAMAS! are you joking me?! Yes, protect Palestinians..when Hamas is the one murdering and torturing them themselves!

But what?! IT'S OKAY?! WHY?! BECAUSE THEY'RE MUSLIM TOO?! BECAUSE THEY'RE PALESTINIAN TOO?! WHY IS IT OKAY FOR THEM TO DO THE SAME AND

N-O-B-O-D-Y

IS PROTESTING SAYING DOWN WITH HAMAS?!

Here's a video to give you a taste of the horrible things that Hamas does. Why the freaking hell aren't people doing anything about it?!

They store rockets and ammunition in civilians homes, they make them store them, in mosques too, and places that are heavily populated just so when the IDF has to strike, they will have to strike the homes and civilians and kill people so others will cry out and say OH NO STOP KILLING PALS!

People need to find out what exactly is going on before they start supporting a side. This is outrageous! I feel so sorry for everything that the innocent Palestinians have to go through, and I hope soon Hamas is taken out and they can have freedom somehow, away from Gaza even.


My boyfriend went to a kindergarten yesterday and an elementary school today with other soldiers from his base to guard just in case a rocket lands. He's in Israel right now serving for the IDF.

I'm doing laundry right now..have been doing it for the past three or four hours. I do my laundry about once a month, so this means I go about a week without wearing underwear (yes, all my undies are from American Eagle lol and no, the ones in the picture ARE NOT mine!) because they're all dirty. It's breezy at first but eventually your butt just gets cold. So yay for wearing underwear for the next three weeks.

Other than me going comando, I'm doing extensive work for AP English, one of my favorite classes in the past four years of my high schoolness. My teacher is very open with discussing EVERYTHING and it's really cool because if you haven't noticed, so am I.

Just like two days ago she was talking about the Victorian age, and what big fake prudes they were, well, at least the men. Women have always been genuine ;P and how they barely even had sex and the men would go to prostitutes etc etc, typical fake religious society. Reminded me of Saudi Arabia and their disgusting habits.

I need to go to the grocery store but I told my dad that to raise money to go to Korea I would stop buying my vegan food, but now I'm starting to get sick of eating avocados, rice, black beans, and vegan hot dogs for my three meals a day lol. I mean all I have left from my indulgences is papaya juice!

I can do it..BUT THREE MORE MONTHS OF THIS?! it's only been a week!

I applied to Mother's Market and to 118 Degrees (for busser or dishwasher) and Idk if I will get it or not but it's worth a shot. I would love to work there. Especially 118 D. because they're a raw vegan restaurant, but Mother's is a pretty vegan place too. You know what would be better? If I work at both!! ha-ha..ha..that would be awesome.

My period is suppose to arrive in about four days, maybe five. By now I should be a belligerent cannibal but I've been taken Primrose oil capsules (which are for angry people and PMSing women) and I feel dandy. It WORKS! I'm really happy because I've been taking it THREE times a day for the past month, which is very tiring since I also have to take my birth control, but it has reduced my anger so that's good :)

I actually noticed the difference. I went two days without taking it and I was crying the whole day like two days ago and pushing Giora (my boyfriend) away and then he asked me if I had been taking the pills and I told him no, so I started taking them the next day and hell I'm happy again LOL I don't even remember why I was so upset...



So Israel decided on a cease-fire, but I was very upset to find out that they didn't include the return of Gilad Schalit in it. I can't believe they did that! I WAS SO ANGRY! Poor Gilad, his family and friends. Just thinking about losing someone like my boyfriend, and knowing that he's in evil hands, makes me swell up with emotion. I wonder what types of atrocities he has to endure. I hope he finds strength to live a normal life after this.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday day :)

Did you know his wife, Coretta Scott, was vegan? She died already but what a great example for humanity. The whole family was a wonderful role model for people all over the world.

"King called her adoption of a vegan diet in 1995 a blessing. Her son, Dexter, had been vegan since 1988, saying that an appreciation for animal rights is the "logical extension" of his father's philosophy of non-violence." - Wikipedia

GAWD! I just bought from the COOLEST shoe store online!

It's called Simpleshoes.com and it sells a lot of vegan shoes, with hemp, recycled tires etc. It is SO cool!!!

I just bought two pairs of shoes that were on sale and they actually had my shoe size! I'm size 8, and apparently it's a really common shoe size, so it seems like those are always the first to go.

I can't wait to get them!

My boyfriend Giora is coming home tomorrow for half a day. I know it's not a lot but since the payphone is broken in his base, we can barely talk for about 5 min. a day and we text ALL the time. Thank you ICQ.

I'm glad that the bombing is over, my heart is feeling a bit better.

I tried to sell my blood earlier (plasma) but I DON'T REACH THE WEIGHT LIMIT!! I weigh between 99-101lbs ALWAYS, and I've never been above 108lbs in my life, and I need to be 110! goddamit, I need those thirty bucks!

I'm so laaaame haha. Someday, when I'm fat, I will be selling my plasma every week! Just watch. I'll take advantage of my fat!

I'M NEVER GOING TO BE FAT!! :( I can't believe that I'm actually sad about that. Geez, people pay MONEY to lose weight. Alone by being vegan and going on a special GAINING TEN POUNDS diet I lost two pounds! Goddamit, bananas have no calories!

Anywhoo :) I'm happy because either way I love how I look and I'm glad that I do look this way. I'll find another way to get money.



I'm reading The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway.
I have never read such a slow book in my life. gah. The things I do for grades.

I have to finish my math for tomorrowz but I also want to do something like eat out with my friends, but I don't feel like eating anything so hmm, what would I go for? lol I'd rather go when I REALLY want to eat out.

I really want to try this vegan/veg restaurant called Avanti. Also go to this vegan bakery called Sunflour Bakery. It's totally kosher! really cool. And 118 Degrees.

GOSH! I find all the good vegan restaurants right before I leave this stupid town lol.

TOODLES! :D

I love you all :)

I've read countless articles by many feminists over my few years in this earth, dissing other women because they hate their period and want to get rid of it. But when you're in MY spot, no matter how much of a feminist you are, you just want your period to go away forever.

I seriously don't know what to do anymore. Every single month. It's been a couple of years now since I started severely PMSing and my cramps are gone due to YAZ birth control, but the severe emotional disturbances I get for almost two weeks every single month (that's half of my life people) are just too much. I'm afraid in one of my crazy episodes of rage and anger I will hurt myself badly. I have told my parents so many times to take me to the doctor for it, but they seriously do not seem capable of understanding. My mom just thinks everything can be solved with your diet, and I'm going to stab her if she says that one more time to me. It's been YEARS!!! YEARS!! I'm sick and tired of this. I seriously don't even want anyone in my life because I'm tired of putting them through sooooo much crap. I treat them like worthless individuals that need to die, and always remind them of why they're good for nothing human beings.

I got my new shoes yesterday, but one pair was too big since I accidentally ordered size 8 MEN'S size... I wore the other pair today, and it felt good walking on recycled tires.

is over.

I survived. I took it out on everyone around me and I have an appointment on Thursday with my gynecologist because my severe PMS is taking a toll on everyone that loves me. To just explain a bit, yesterday I spent the whole day crying and sleeping in my bed after I through a hissy fit in the parking lot since my dad wouldn't let me drive to Costa Mesa (we were going to get me some vegan cheesecake in Native Foods). I'm also glad my boyfriend firmly believes in the 'sticks and stones' philosophy or else he would be suicidal as well lol..ahhh, one day he'll be free to pms all over me.

Hopefully I will get medicine to solve this once and for all. For the rest of the month I'm a pretty decent person.

I just finished baking a vegan cheesecake by myself after going to Mother's Market :) I'm starting to make vegan cinnamon rolls right now too so hopefully those come out good.

Here's a picture (it's cooling so I can't put the topping on it yet)




Off to do my math homework!

(This is final's week so I may not post due to some hardcore studyiiiing)

toodles!

Finals week. Today I have my English final, half of my classes don't have a final on final's day...

Yesterday I hung out with Sarah all day. I came home around 7pm. We got out of school at around 10:50am and then went to Mother's Market to eat some lunch. We had a lot of fun looking at everything and I really wish to work there but I doubt they're going to hire me any time soon..I already applied.

After like two hours of talking and eating (took like an hour alone to pick out what to eat because there were SOOOOO many choices!) we went over to the pictureshow and watched a movie. Four Christmasses.

It was good, really funny. Made me think of me when the basic thing in the movie was that they didn't like their families and just didn't want anything to do with them lol that's meeeeee.

I'm going to the doctor today so hopefully she'll fix me. Then I have a meeting at 7pm for the Korea trip and both of my parents are going with me.

Tomorrow is Winter Formal :)

I'll take lots of pictures and bring them.

I'm not going to look as good as I did last year.

This is a picture from last year's Winter Formal:


I'm the one on the far left.

Hopefully this year's Winter Formal will be half as fun as last years.

The theme tomorrow is the 1920's.

Okay...gonna go eat my vegan chickn sandwhich from the market yesterday.

OH I also took a shot of wheatgrass and oh my god. There are no words..to describe, how utterly disgusting it was. No words.

This:


Ruined..my day.

IT WAS SO BUT SO disgusting, that even after I drank my delicious Soy strawberry ice cream smoothie along with eating my sandwich, i could still feel it in my throat, in my stomach, my VEINS!!!

The girl told me that some people puke after their first shot. My mouth started watering and I thought I was going to throw up. I felt horrible until I went to sleep.


BAHHH WHEATGRASS!! YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!!


It ruined my strawberry ice cream smoothie...