was okay. Giora wasn't there this time so I went with Dawn and it's different when you can't slow dance or make out on the dancefloor. Other than that we took the professional pictures and the camera didn't work again (like last year) so we just have those.. -_-. I'll put them up when they come.

The gynecologist told me I have to do aerobics 30 minutes every day, drink Ca, Mg and B complex pills for a month before I can do something else that I really want to do.

I went to the dance on Friday..so that was like 3 hours of dancing (my whole body is really sore now), and yesterday I picked up trash at the library's park with the environmental club, and after excercised in the senior citizen's little play park next to it lol..it was fun. I did the little bicycle for like 30 min so that was aerobics. I'm going to take a break today because I can barely stand up. I hate excecise. I don't even know why I'm following the dr.'s instructions. I should just wait a month to get what I really want and that will fix everything.

Here's some pictures from yesterday's clean up:


I LOOK HILARIOUS!!!

I look really thin in these pictures and I love it lol


Coolest shirt ever.





Giora came home this weekend but eh, barely even talked. After I made a huge deal about not talking and told him I was going to stop trying to be the one talking to him after he stood me up twice, due to 'family problems' that he refuses to share with me (that tells you how deep our connection is), so he actually called me at 4am and we talked for about an hour. Then he called to say bye every time he was going to do something and we talked for about 2 hours last night (his morning) before he left back to his base. Whatever. I don't care anymore and he knows it.


I haven't added him on facebook again because I don't consider him my friend. I never did. I personally have told him everything that goes on and has gone on in my life for the past 1 year and 4 months, and unlike me he has trouble sharing everything. He says it's not trust but just the way he is, so he's free to be his way. He puts everything up in Hebrew anyway and I can't read it, so w/e.

I used to see going to Israel with him as my escape from everything at home and my complete happiness, but after what happened 2 months ago I really do not give a shit anymore. I just want to get out and I don't care where. I don't even see him as what I used to before so now he's just like any other boyfriend to any other girlfriend.

I need to finish The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Heminway, and make the card for AP English so that is something.

I also want to find out if I passed science or not. If I didn't I am not even gonna care. Either way there's nothing I can do about it now lol.


I just noticed how much weight I've lost in one year! Look at that picture and at the ones above..wow...

I have officially been accepted into Sonoma and Humboldt State!!!!

Now just waiting for Mount Holyoke and Smith to reply....

:) These were my grades for the semester (weighted)

0 - A
1 - B
2 - A
3 - B
4 - A

LOL ABABA... I'm a senior! So that's okay :) YAY!

I'm feeling so horrible for Sri Lanka. 3 days of fighting and 200 people dead. The Tamil Tigers need to stop now... it's too much.

I'm starting a new phase of my life and I'm so damn scared.

I have two choices that I"ve made for myself in June (my graduation). I'm either going to Israel with Giora for the summer (since my sole and only goal has been to move out of my house since I was born) or kill myself. SO, I better find a way to get out of my house.

I don't even feel like going to Israel because of all the consequences it will bring with my religious Catholic family, and the fact that I'm going to fornicate in Israel for three months.

I'm so angry at my parents, I hate them so much. I have so many reasons but they are making my life real hard right now.

I have been admitted into Humboldt and Sonoma State. I don't really know which one to choose because I don't know anybody that went there or have any way of finding out really how they are. I just want to meet people like me...

and move out of my house.

I need a way of getting money for the ticket to Israel. Right now I barely have $300 in the bank, I need approximately $1,500. I don't care what I have to do, I just need to get the money. I'm so frustrated. I wont even have money for spending over there.

I don't really want anything in life and that's what makes me so miserable. Usually people say, OH if only I had this and this I would be so happy. But I don't even have THAT hope! That's what truly kills me inside every day, the fact that I don't even have anything to hope for because I hate life to such a great extent.

I will find out if I got in Mt. Holyoke or Smith by April. I don't think I'll be able to pay the price anyway, $50,000 a year, so I don't know why I'm even looking forward to that. I know I'm not even gonna get in in the first place.

But I don't know what to do, I don't know anymore...

The worst part is that nobody can hurt me.

(btw the picture is part of a cross stitch I did for Giora last year :D)

I AM ONE OF THE FINALISTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it. I hope that I win it. It would be the best thing to happen to me this year. So far I haven't gotten any scholarships :(, but we'll see!! I got a call yesterday from Jessica, and also a message!

Livni has won enough mandates but idk if she's going to be able to get a government together since the right is super bad towards Arabs and she's a liberal and super good towards Arabs. Well, Idk if super good, but at least better than them. Phew, I hope that Livni wins, we need a woman leader in the Middle East. Livni is seriously someone that I look up to. She is so damn amazing.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, it's about Israel's current elections for Prime Minister.

Jpost.com is such a great place to get updated with what's going on lol.

Other than that, I think that the cholera epidemic in Zimbabwe is finally calming down..there's not a lot being said about it, of course because they're poor and black nobody could care less.

"WHERE ARE THE MARCHERS NOW.........? NOW IF THAT WAS ISRAEL WE WOULD SEE A DIFFERENT OUTCRY"

that is a quote I found in BBC from a comment. That sums up exactly how I feel. It makes me feel so much anger to think that nobody gives a crap, but if it's Israel, everyone is going crazy blaming and trying to do something.

It's so embarrassing to think that the idiots that I live among are so selfish. If only I had enough money I would be able to do something.
But for now, I'm 17, broke, and useless for the most part. I have to finish my studies and focus on that first, and then I can truly go abroad and help out. I feel like somehow I'm helping by being AWARE though, which is something most people refuse to do because of the frustration and pain in brings. At least it helps me to set my goals straight.

Giora and I have a date for the PeaceCorps :) In like 2014 lol

It's like getting into Harvard though! They only accept 10% of applicants...gahh, I must be one of the best! I AM one of the best :)


Onto selfish subjects:

Valentine's Day is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My favorite date of the year :)

Unfortunately, my sweet half is around the world and about to graduate from a medic course tomorrow, but we will still be with each other through SKYPE. Thank goodness for webcams, they make long distance so much shorter.

Yesterday I babysat for a couple of hours since Angie's friend had a scheduled C-section, after trying to get pregnant for five years, so everyone was soooo excited. Hell, even I was! The baby was a boy, and he was super cute.



Today. was. late. start. I was early again. In the four years I've been in high school, out of like 50 late starts, I've only slept in to like TWO! because my mom and I always forget and today I could've talked to my arnavi for like an hour more if I could have stayed! ahhh that was stupid.

I guess Mexico vs. U.S. is playing in soccer, and since I'm Guatemalan and my parents watch Spanish tv all the time, THAT'S ALL THEY CAN TALK ABOUT! well, at least the Mexican show people, the rest are just trying to be funny and antagonize them. Like the Venezuelan and Puerto Rican show people LOL

Quite funny if you ask me, especially because Mexicans take their soccer so damn seriously. Also Argentinians. Well, Guatemalan men are quite crazy about it too. It's like Canadians and hockey...

Did you know I used to play hockey? I was a super hockey fan. It was insane.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Today was good.

I talked to the valentine for a good while. It was not very good towards the end due to some issues but it was good overall. Hey, at least I have a perfect valentine.

I got roses yesterday from him :) I was SO happy. I was screaming and jumping and I couldn't believe it! We weren't supposed to send each other gifts, but oh my god, I could not be upset even one bit after that.

I love it when he brings me flowers :)

He ordered these ALL the way from Israel! Gah, he is so thoughtful.

Here is a picture:


I have recently acquired an obsession with baking and cooking. It seems to magically drive all my idiotic emotions away while I chop and mix and grate.

I have been so into it that I've spend countless hours in the kitchen for the past four days or so. I would say about 20 hours really. It's insane.

Today I cooked twice

I made Ethiopian Spicy Tomato Lentil Stew (HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!), which I made mild by adding 1tbs of ginger instead of 2. Phew. And it was DELICIOUS!

Right now I'm making Vegan Noodle Kugel, and hope to master it to make it for my boyfwend soon. I also plan to make vegan Challah bread as soon as I get two very very ripe bananas..hopefully by Friday ;D

The day before yesterday I made vegan Banana Bread (REALLY AMAZING! was gone in one day)

(most of these recipes are from the PPK! So go check it out, wonderful vegan website)

I also made vegan lasagna from a recipe in recipezaar. Here's a picture of it just before cooking:



Yesterday I made South African Butternut Soup and it came out perfect how it was supposed to end up as, but it wasn't for my palate. My parents liked it though.
Like I said...I have a problem. I guess I will be going to Cookers/Bakers Anonymous eventually...when I actually find the problem wrong :)


I've also been applying to random scholarships so at least I will get like one lol.

HUMBOLDT OR SONOMA? I HAVE NO FREAKIN CLUE!!!!

I still have to get my other two letters though..so I have to calm down...

I am not sure if this is insomnia, exactly, but I've been waking up around 3am every night for the past few days.

It's getting quite tiring. I don't know if to go to sleep at 6 now to get my full night because, no matter what I do..I still have to get up to 1. blow my nose 2. pee exactly, in between 3-4am.

So freakin annoying.

The past few nights though I've just layed in my bed, having horrible thoughts about the past and future, until 6am when it's time to go to band. I think this has to do with my troubled-ness, in general. Maybe this is my unconscious trying to take it out in some other way. Quite annoying way, but somehow nice right now...maybe because it's the weekend. Duh. I think my anger hasn't calmed down since I started working at the gym. In fact, I feel like tearing you apart right now..yes, yes I do. Well, it's not at its best right now but it is 12 hours of my day, from 6-6 :) Horrible. I had to take 2 primrose oil pills yesterday.

Yesterday my dad's friend died. I haven't had a close death (well my eh grandmother died, but I really didn't care) in a while. By close I mean, proximal (like in Everything is Illuminated LOL..just watched it yesterday by the way..7th time, and I'm buying it tomorrow), as in close in distance. I don't think I have anyone 'close' except for my friends and that fellow person in the Middle East at the moment. My family...ha! I could care less what happened to them.

Well, maybe a bit about Snowbell, but even she's an asshole.



Today I have community service at the community garden in Long Beach, so I hope I'm not tired.

It's also a potluck so I'm making Devil's Food cake (vegan) for them

In fact, I'm eating some Devil's Food cake as we speak :P Yes..at 3:20 in the am.

I'm actually starting to like my insomnia. Maybe because I feel a bit sweet about it after watching CashBack. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. Yes, call me lame, but I am a lame 17 year old girl, that likes to be awake at night. Hey! Maybe I can even find a night time job and take advantage of this ;P (CashBack lol)

Amazing movie.

In fact, I think I'm gonna watch it right now. Yup, I am. ... I haven't lost sleep, I just have suddenly gained 3 more hours to my day...

Taking advantage of them from now on.

I just finished eating my chocolate cake. Do you think my stomach will hurt if I eat another piece? (Yesterday some fell on the floor, and since I was so angry and the person I was so angry with had witnessed it, I just PICKED It up from the floor and ate it like nothing had happened. Gawd, my immune system had one strong test) Eh, I'll get another piece.

People's obsession with physical beauty upsets me. Everyone seems to be so involved with it, I feel like the only one that gets offended if someone compliments me. If someone even slightly compliments me I'll be sure to tear them into pieces. I don't like ass kissers, or people that look at me for what I am outside.

If some guy liked me just because of having seen me, then I highly doubt that I'd ever go out with him. I'd probably kick his ass for being such a moron.

I hate judging people by their looks. A lot of people seem to automatically say if someone is 'beautiful' or 'ugly' right away, like my best friend, and it is so fucken annoying. I want them to shut up and just go away because they're polluting me with their useless superficiality.

I don't ever try to look 'good', or even slightly nice. This is because when I see someone that's trying too look 'pretty' I think, HA! moron, they actually are trying to please the common eye. Sometimes they do it for themselves though so it's not always that thought...but I mean it about people that I can TELL have spent hundreds of dollars on an outfit and still care about their face.

It's insane in my mind. I want to move far far away where "beauty" is not something mentioned. I want to move somewhere where people don't talk about how good someone looks or when they make a change in their looks compliment them.

I hate people. That's why I don't plan on breeding.

Toodles.

Oh also, I watched The Syrian Bride yesterday. Nice film. Doesn't beat Everything is Illuminated though. Not even one bit.

Yann Tiersen is my god. (Listening to him right now..)